Well, nothing much is happening here. Been getting up nice and early in the morning. Suffering from insomnia and would really like some sleep. I hate going to bed and worrying so much about stuff that isn't in our control and then not being able to sleep. I need to start breaking out the old Bible and reading that before bed. Bring myself some comfort and peace. Lay it at the feet of the Lord. That's what I need to do.
Mark is still working in Wisconsin. He is really enjoying the job there and the people he works with. I am glad of that. He has found a place to live. It is a bit on the expensive side when you have household bills to pay on top of rent, but if he is happy then I guess there isn't much I can say. We are getting excited for Thanksgiving. It will be 2 days shy of 2 months since we last saw Mark when he comes home for the long weekend. We will probably be staying here to spend time with him rather then with other family. The kids don't need to compete for his attention with somebody else for the weekend and that is fine.
Markus is getting a few more molars in and has been a bit cranky. I never had this problem with any other kids. I didn't even know they had their molars until well after they had grown in. He has a bit of a runny nose and a cough too. I am going to blame the teeth for now. If it gets worse we will go see the doctor, but he seems to be fine.
The rest of the kids are doing good. School is going good. We are getting quite a bit accomplished. Corrisa's grandma bought her an early Christmas present. The third book in the Eargon series and she hasn't put it down since she got it. She is just about done with almost 800 page book so hopefully she will be back to normal soon. There is no sense trying to make her put it down because she will throw daggers at you with her eyes until you let her resume reading. Elijah is getting excited because he gets to wear his costume for preschool story time and preschool next week. His cousin had a pirate themed birthday party over the summer. The kids didn't go, but my SIL gave them all a bag of party favors that included: a bandanna, an eye patch, a hoop ear ring and some other pirate things. So Elijah is saying he is going to be a pirate. Throw some jeans and a shirt and we are good to go. We have a Long John Silvers pirate hat too if he wants to wear that instead of the bandanna. We don't do trick or treating, but we do hand out Bible tracts to kids that come to my house. We bought so many a couple of years ago that we are still handing them out. We hardly get any kids anymore.
Well, that is about all the news in our house. Nothing too exciting. Hope you all have a great rest of the week.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Talking Red Teddy
My mom bought my older kids talking Valentine's teddy bears many years ago. They eventually drove me nuts so they got put away. Well lo and behold my daughter came across one somewhere recently and gave it to Markus. He loves it. He carries it everywhere and always has it talking. Last night he was laying in bed talking forever. The bear will ask a question and if you say something will continue talking. Well, of course you can't understand a word that Markus says, but that stupid red bear just don't care. I always know where to find him because that bear gives him away.
Elijah wanted to take it to school with him today because it was Teddy Bear day and Markus made it quite clear that nobody was taking his bear anywhere. He wouldn't even finish his breakfast because Elijah was holding the bear. Never know what that kid will be interested in.
Well, have a good weekend my friends.
Elijah wanted to take it to school with him today because it was Teddy Bear day and Markus made it quite clear that nobody was taking his bear anywhere. He wouldn't even finish his breakfast because Elijah was holding the bear. Never know what that kid will be interested in.
Well, have a good weekend my friends.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Fall Pictures
I decided I would update the kids pictures so I took them to the park and took their pictures. Markus was a bit of a little pistol and wasn't going to cooperate. Elijah, Corrisa, and Miles were the post photogenic ones. Gabe, Briley, and Markus were the ones who would rather have played. While taking the pictures there were a couple of guys that were playing the new Frisbee golf and they decided they needed to throw the Frisbee right where we were taking pictures even though I was there first. Well, when we moved as much as possible out of the way they finished there game and then started throwing walnuts at me. How immature was that. Grown men seeing me take pictures of my kids and throwing walnuts at an adult. Anyway, we got the pictures done and they turned out pretty good. I am getting pretty good at being the family photographer. Anyway, that is about all that is happening here. Have a good week. Shelly
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Remembering people 3
Grandma Rosie
I can't really say that my relationship with Grandma Rosie is anything like Grandpa Lemon. She wasn't the lovey dovey type grandma unless you were a favorite. None of my mother's kids were her favorite. I must admit though we had it better then my mom's younger sister's kids. My grandma had nothing to do with them until they were adults. My sister had all the attention until my mom's youngest sister had kids then we were forgotten. And when my mom's baby brother had a kid I think we all ceased to exist. The things I remember about Grandma: her super sweet tea. You could actually get a 1/4 cup of sugar out of the bottom of your glass when you were done drinking it. She made the best fried chicken strips. Oh how I wish I had some now. She was great at baking and candy making. She made the best buckeye candy's. Unfortunately when asked for a recipe she never had one. She was crafty. We have lots of homemade stuffed animals and care bears that she made. She made us each a quilt. Unfortunately Markus came too late to get one. I remember staying with her a few times during the summer. I got to collect the chicken eggs. I always wished to live on a farm so I could have chickens. I remember the baby sheep in the yard and the baby chicks in the garage staying warm. I remember the prized car in the garage, but can't remember what kind it was. I remember her driving to my house on a motorcycle and her only having one real eye. She lost the other years ago while making grenades for soldiers or something like that. She had a glass eye to replace it. I always wanted grandma's house when she died. Of course that was unthinkable because my uncle and his family got it all. I did get some cherished home made items from her house though. I got a water pitcher and basin and the beloved Tree house cookie jar (my mom had one just like it that I wanted, but my little brother broke it on accident) and the tree house planter. I cherish the stuff made by her hands rather then the junk that was bought. I think I even ended up getting her old school box with the supplies still in it. When grandma was diagnosed with cancer she went pretty fast after that. My kids didn't really know her. Not that she died when they were young (she died last year) but because I never really visited her. I don't really visit any family anymore. My kids barely know my parents and siblings. I get my hands and feet from Grandma Rosie. My birthing hips (as Mark calls them). My love to live in the farm fresh air. I guess a lot of my looks are because of Grandma Rosie. I love her in my own way and wish I could have gotten to know her better then I did.
I can't really say that my relationship with Grandma Rosie is anything like Grandpa Lemon. She wasn't the lovey dovey type grandma unless you were a favorite. None of my mother's kids were her favorite. I must admit though we had it better then my mom's younger sister's kids. My grandma had nothing to do with them until they were adults. My sister had all the attention until my mom's youngest sister had kids then we were forgotten. And when my mom's baby brother had a kid I think we all ceased to exist. The things I remember about Grandma: her super sweet tea. You could actually get a 1/4 cup of sugar out of the bottom of your glass when you were done drinking it. She made the best fried chicken strips. Oh how I wish I had some now. She was great at baking and candy making. She made the best buckeye candy's. Unfortunately when asked for a recipe she never had one. She was crafty. We have lots of homemade stuffed animals and care bears that she made. She made us each a quilt. Unfortunately Markus came too late to get one. I remember staying with her a few times during the summer. I got to collect the chicken eggs. I always wished to live on a farm so I could have chickens. I remember the baby sheep in the yard and the baby chicks in the garage staying warm. I remember the prized car in the garage, but can't remember what kind it was. I remember her driving to my house on a motorcycle and her only having one real eye. She lost the other years ago while making grenades for soldiers or something like that. She had a glass eye to replace it. I always wanted grandma's house when she died. Of course that was unthinkable because my uncle and his family got it all. I did get some cherished home made items from her house though. I got a water pitcher and basin and the beloved Tree house cookie jar (my mom had one just like it that I wanted, but my little brother broke it on accident) and the tree house planter. I cherish the stuff made by her hands rather then the junk that was bought. I think I even ended up getting her old school box with the supplies still in it. When grandma was diagnosed with cancer she went pretty fast after that. My kids didn't really know her. Not that she died when they were young (she died last year) but because I never really visited her. I don't really visit any family anymore. My kids barely know my parents and siblings. I get my hands and feet from Grandma Rosie. My birthing hips (as Mark calls them). My love to live in the farm fresh air. I guess a lot of my looks are because of Grandma Rosie. I love her in my own way and wish I could have gotten to know her better then I did.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Remembering people number 2
Grandpa Lemon
Grandpa loved all of us no matter what mistakes we made. My sister and I would take turns every summer going to grandpa and grandma's for a spell. Sometimes we would hang out at their house and sometimes they took us on a vacation. The only vacations we got as kids were the ones the grandparents took us on. Grandpa could tell the best stories of years past. We all loved sitting and listening. Some of the members of the family never took the time to listen until he was on his death bed and then they had the notation to show up at his house with a video camera wanting to tape a story. He turned them down. Grandpa had cancer off and on throughout his adult life. I think the first time he had it was when my dad was born. He may have had it before then, but I think it was said that he was in the hospital the same time grandma was. He had lots of treatment and lots of organs and parts removed. I always remember grandpa and grandma's big gardens and flowers. My grandpa would work all day outside. He loved sitting on his porch and watch the birds. he always had a bird book near by to see what it was that was eating from his feeder. I think grandpa moved grandma to Boone when Corrisa was 1 1/2 years old. he knew that his life was coming to an end and he wanted her to be taken care of. I am thinking it was after they moved that they found the cancer again. There was nothing they could do because his body couldn't do treatments anymore. I took Corrisa over to there apartment everyday. She loved her great grandpa and him and grandma loved her. I remember when grandpa couldn't walk anymore dad having somebody help load him into the truck to go to the Ledges and see the deer. It was almost a nightly thing. Grandpa so enjoyed the outdoors. It got to the point that if grandpa wasn't in his room when I arrived I didn't stay. I didn't want to remember him in any other way except the active old guy that he was. i didn't want to see the wasted and dead looking body he had become. If grandpa was in bed when Corrisa and I would arrive she would go right into that bedroom and climb in bed with him. I am not sure what took place in that room, but Corrisa seemed to enjoy it. I remember the night he passed. Dad called and said that grandpa wanted us all over there and for us to order pizza. When I got to their apartment grandpa wasn't even conscious. he had labored breathing and was soon going to leave us. My brothers, sister, and I sat in the living room while dad, mom, and grandma gave grandpa a sponge bath. he died when all three had place a hand on him. Mom said that is what he wanted was the family with him. The funeral home came over right away to get his body. We all waited in the kitchen so that we couldn't see them haul the body out. Corrisa was in the room with grandpa the whole time and not one of us knew it. She was laying on top of his body until the funeral home man took her off. Then she snuck back in and watched them load him up. She never had nightmares about it. For that I am thankful. Grandpa died a few months before I had Briley. He so wanted to be there for his first great grandson. He was just sure that was what I was having because he already had 5 great granddaughter. he tried as hard as he could to make. The night Briley was born when he came out the lights in the room flickered. I joked with mom that it was grandpa making sure that i knew he was in the room watching his great grandson. Grandpa always stressed to us that we are family and we have to love each other no matter what. He never put me down for having two kids before I was married. He was disappointed I am sure, but he never told me so. Grandpa was always the backbone in the family. There was never bickering when he was around. And all holidays were spent as a family. I loved my grandpa and wish my children could have meet him. Corrisa was so young she doesn't even remember him. Grandma has a lot of videos of him, but she won't let anybody watch because she thinks they will get ruined. I hope someday to get them and have a professional make copies for each of us. I remember growing up that grandpa was the tallest person in our family. My friends refereed to Grandpa and Grandma Lemon as the tall grandpa and short grandma. Grandpa was only 5'11 and grandma was only 4'8. None of us kids got to be as tall as grandpa, but everybody says that my baby brother Josh looks just like him. I love all the memories I have of Grandpa and I love the fact that we were able to spend so much time with them. I know that lots of kids never get that opportunity. My husband doesn't have the memories like me of his grandparents. I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for the influence of my Grandpa Lemon. I love you grandpa.
Grandpa loved all of us no matter what mistakes we made. My sister and I would take turns every summer going to grandpa and grandma's for a spell. Sometimes we would hang out at their house and sometimes they took us on a vacation. The only vacations we got as kids were the ones the grandparents took us on. Grandpa could tell the best stories of years past. We all loved sitting and listening. Some of the members of the family never took the time to listen until he was on his death bed and then they had the notation to show up at his house with a video camera wanting to tape a story. He turned them down. Grandpa had cancer off and on throughout his adult life. I think the first time he had it was when my dad was born. He may have had it before then, but I think it was said that he was in the hospital the same time grandma was. He had lots of treatment and lots of organs and parts removed. I always remember grandpa and grandma's big gardens and flowers. My grandpa would work all day outside. He loved sitting on his porch and watch the birds. he always had a bird book near by to see what it was that was eating from his feeder. I think grandpa moved grandma to Boone when Corrisa was 1 1/2 years old. he knew that his life was coming to an end and he wanted her to be taken care of. I am thinking it was after they moved that they found the cancer again. There was nothing they could do because his body couldn't do treatments anymore. I took Corrisa over to there apartment everyday. She loved her great grandpa and him and grandma loved her. I remember when grandpa couldn't walk anymore dad having somebody help load him into the truck to go to the Ledges and see the deer. It was almost a nightly thing. Grandpa so enjoyed the outdoors. It got to the point that if grandpa wasn't in his room when I arrived I didn't stay. I didn't want to remember him in any other way except the active old guy that he was. i didn't want to see the wasted and dead looking body he had become. If grandpa was in bed when Corrisa and I would arrive she would go right into that bedroom and climb in bed with him. I am not sure what took place in that room, but Corrisa seemed to enjoy it. I remember the night he passed. Dad called and said that grandpa wanted us all over there and for us to order pizza. When I got to their apartment grandpa wasn't even conscious. he had labored breathing and was soon going to leave us. My brothers, sister, and I sat in the living room while dad, mom, and grandma gave grandpa a sponge bath. he died when all three had place a hand on him. Mom said that is what he wanted was the family with him. The funeral home came over right away to get his body. We all waited in the kitchen so that we couldn't see them haul the body out. Corrisa was in the room with grandpa the whole time and not one of us knew it. She was laying on top of his body until the funeral home man took her off. Then she snuck back in and watched them load him up. She never had nightmares about it. For that I am thankful. Grandpa died a few months before I had Briley. He so wanted to be there for his first great grandson. He was just sure that was what I was having because he already had 5 great granddaughter. he tried as hard as he could to make. The night Briley was born when he came out the lights in the room flickered. I joked with mom that it was grandpa making sure that i knew he was in the room watching his great grandson. Grandpa always stressed to us that we are family and we have to love each other no matter what. He never put me down for having two kids before I was married. He was disappointed I am sure, but he never told me so. Grandpa was always the backbone in the family. There was never bickering when he was around. And all holidays were spent as a family. I loved my grandpa and wish my children could have meet him. Corrisa was so young she doesn't even remember him. Grandma has a lot of videos of him, but she won't let anybody watch because she thinks they will get ruined. I hope someday to get them and have a professional make copies for each of us. I remember growing up that grandpa was the tallest person in our family. My friends refereed to Grandpa and Grandma Lemon as the tall grandpa and short grandma. Grandpa was only 5'11 and grandma was only 4'8. None of us kids got to be as tall as grandpa, but everybody says that my baby brother Josh looks just like him. I love all the memories I have of Grandpa and I love the fact that we were able to spend so much time with them. I know that lots of kids never get that opportunity. My husband doesn't have the memories like me of his grandparents. I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for the influence of my Grandpa Lemon. I love you grandpa.
Remembering people of the past
I am going to take a different approach for the next few days. I am going to change my music to remember people who were near and dear to me in the past who aren't here any longer. I think of these people often and miss them.
Kristen
I first meet Kristen in grade school. We weren't best friends she already had one and so did I. We went to a private Catholic school together from Kindergarten through 8th grade. I loved staying at Kristen's house over night. We got to do fun things and her parents were never around. As years went by Kristen and I got closer. Kristen was beautiful and she made you feel beautiful just being around her. By the time we got in Junior High she was interested in boys and it would take her 2 hours to get ready for anything. She was obsessed with her looks. She was to put it bluntly vain. She came from the wrong side of the tracks she wasn't from a rich or well known family. She was working her own jobs from the time she was 12. She was the mother to her 3 younger siblings from the time she was 8. She sacrificed a lot to take care of her younger siblings. When she turned 16 her mom bought her a car, but soon after she had bought her own car. A little red metro convertible. We had such fun riding in that small little red car. She had a management position in a restaurant in town by the time she was 17. She had good grades and participated in dance. She always seemed to find time for her friends. Of course we all drifted our different ways during high school because of different interests and loves. She was engaged to at least 3 different guys before she married her husband. Even as we drifted apart we were never far from each other. She would call and need cheering up because of a break up of I may just want to talk. It was at Kristen's house my senior year on lunch break that I found out I was pregnant with Corrisa. She made me go to her house every day for lunch after that so she could make sure I was eating healthy. She threw my baby shower for me and was Corrisa's first daycare provider when I went back to work after I had her. She was always a great support. I could tell her anything and know she wouldn't judge me. When I meet Mark, her and her husband watched the kids for me so I could go on a date. She was the only one of my friends I invited to my wedding. When she sat in the hospital with preeclampsia for weeks before she had her first I would go up as often I as I could after work and talk with her. She definitely appreciated the chatter time. Whenever I would get pregnant she was always the first person I would call and tell. She never asked me when we would be done or how many more we were going to have. She was always as excited as she would have been for her own pregnancy. Her and Scott had problems conceiving their second and Mark and I had 1 together before she was able to conceive. She conceived baby number 2 shortly before we conceived baby 2. We went to the same clinic and so we would catch up while waiting to see the doctor. She had her son in December and I had mine in March. A few days before I had Gabriel I was delivering Girl Scout cookies to her house. We lived 2 hours away from where she lived and she lived out in the country. I had left Corrisa, Briley, and Miles out in the van while I ran the cookies in. While in the house my cell had rang so Corrisa brought in the phone and Briley had broke something in the van and followed suit. When Briley got out he locked the van and so Miles was locked in the van in his car seat. I couldn't find a locksmith and was hysterical. Kristen and Scott were great. They helped and we eventually found a locksmith. Mark showed up at the same time. He sped about 90 mph to get there with the extra keys. Shortly before Kristen's son's first birthday she was diagnosed with breast cancer. You see, Kristen lived in a tanning bed. She thought that was the best place to relax and unwind. She had developed a sore on her breast shortly after her son was born and she would pick at it. It kept getting worse and when she finally went to the doctor the cancer had gotten into her breast tissue. She was 26 when she had her breasts removed. She was so upset and felt less a woman. She was determined to get her size D's back and when they gave her her implants she settled for a C. She was happy. She didn't require treatment. She was living her life. She went back to school. Her and Scott were going to try for number 3 when she made it to the 1 year mark of being cancer free. She didn't make. She was teaching aerobics at a center in Ames and she hurt her back. She went to the doctor thinking it no big deal. It was. She had cancer again. She had it in her bones, liver, and lungs and later her brain. She was only 27 and told she had a year to live. She lived that year and 2 more after. She fought like crazy to see her babies grow up. She never had a negative attitude. She never slowed down. I only saw Kristen 2 times after she was diagnosed with cancer. I wished I could have seen her more, but her family needed the time they could get. She had a habit of putting her friends first. Every time poor Scott planned a night alone a friend would stop by and then it became a group thing. I didn't want to be like everybody else. Her family needed memories of just them. We talked on the phone plenty and I sent a card every week to encourage her. I was the first person she told that she only had 3 months to live. I cried. I loved her. She was the only one who loved me for who I was. She lived exactly 3 months from the phone call. I got the call shortly after I found out I was pregnant with Markus. It was the saddest funeral I ever attended. I went to the visitation, but never went up front to see her. I wanted to remember her for the beautiful young lady she was, not the shell of a body laying in a casket. I still remember sitting with old classmates remembering the old days when Scott came in carrying their 3 year old son. "Dad, now can I go see Mommy?" I thought I would die. Scott had a look of hopelessness on his face as he carried his son up to see his mommy. I looked at all the pictures and cried. They had an album made after she had had breast cancer. the photographer did a beautiful job. I have never seen anything like it. It was printed like a book. The pictures were printed right on the pages and Kristen or Scott had scripted letters to each other and each of the kids. It was beautiful. The photographer didn't set up the pictures they just happened. It was like watching a movie because the family was just enjoying a picnic, a walk, or just private conversation and nothing was posed. The next day I went and buried Kristen. Her daughter refused to leave the grave site because she wanted her mom. I was heartbroken. I didn't stay at the dinner after, but gave Scott a hug. It was the last time I have spoken to him or seen him. I haven't been able to send cards or pictures like I used to. I never know if he wants us to bug him and the kids. I know he has moved on and maybe married. Am I mad. No. Kristen had been preparing her children for a step-mom from the day she found out she would leave them. I talked with Kristen in my dream recently. I couldn't see her face, but it was her voice talking to me. I usually think about her a couple times a year. Certain songs. A small little red car. A trip to Hardees. A new pregnancy I can never share because she isn't there to get excited for me. I look back at old pictures of when we were young and remember a person from the past who helped make me who I was today.
Kristen
I first meet Kristen in grade school. We weren't best friends she already had one and so did I. We went to a private Catholic school together from Kindergarten through 8th grade. I loved staying at Kristen's house over night. We got to do fun things and her parents were never around. As years went by Kristen and I got closer. Kristen was beautiful and she made you feel beautiful just being around her. By the time we got in Junior High she was interested in boys and it would take her 2 hours to get ready for anything. She was obsessed with her looks. She was to put it bluntly vain. She came from the wrong side of the tracks she wasn't from a rich or well known family. She was working her own jobs from the time she was 12. She was the mother to her 3 younger siblings from the time she was 8. She sacrificed a lot to take care of her younger siblings. When she turned 16 her mom bought her a car, but soon after she had bought her own car. A little red metro convertible. We had such fun riding in that small little red car. She had a management position in a restaurant in town by the time she was 17. She had good grades and participated in dance. She always seemed to find time for her friends. Of course we all drifted our different ways during high school because of different interests and loves. She was engaged to at least 3 different guys before she married her husband. Even as we drifted apart we were never far from each other. She would call and need cheering up because of a break up of I may just want to talk. It was at Kristen's house my senior year on lunch break that I found out I was pregnant with Corrisa. She made me go to her house every day for lunch after that so she could make sure I was eating healthy. She threw my baby shower for me and was Corrisa's first daycare provider when I went back to work after I had her. She was always a great support. I could tell her anything and know she wouldn't judge me. When I meet Mark, her and her husband watched the kids for me so I could go on a date. She was the only one of my friends I invited to my wedding. When she sat in the hospital with preeclampsia for weeks before she had her first I would go up as often I as I could after work and talk with her. She definitely appreciated the chatter time. Whenever I would get pregnant she was always the first person I would call and tell. She never asked me when we would be done or how many more we were going to have. She was always as excited as she would have been for her own pregnancy. Her and Scott had problems conceiving their second and Mark and I had 1 together before she was able to conceive. She conceived baby number 2 shortly before we conceived baby 2. We went to the same clinic and so we would catch up while waiting to see the doctor. She had her son in December and I had mine in March. A few days before I had Gabriel I was delivering Girl Scout cookies to her house. We lived 2 hours away from where she lived and she lived out in the country. I had left Corrisa, Briley, and Miles out in the van while I ran the cookies in. While in the house my cell had rang so Corrisa brought in the phone and Briley had broke something in the van and followed suit. When Briley got out he locked the van and so Miles was locked in the van in his car seat. I couldn't find a locksmith and was hysterical. Kristen and Scott were great. They helped and we eventually found a locksmith. Mark showed up at the same time. He sped about 90 mph to get there with the extra keys. Shortly before Kristen's son's first birthday she was diagnosed with breast cancer. You see, Kristen lived in a tanning bed. She thought that was the best place to relax and unwind. She had developed a sore on her breast shortly after her son was born and she would pick at it. It kept getting worse and when she finally went to the doctor the cancer had gotten into her breast tissue. She was 26 when she had her breasts removed. She was so upset and felt less a woman. She was determined to get her size D's back and when they gave her her implants she settled for a C. She was happy. She didn't require treatment. She was living her life. She went back to school. Her and Scott were going to try for number 3 when she made it to the 1 year mark of being cancer free. She didn't make. She was teaching aerobics at a center in Ames and she hurt her back. She went to the doctor thinking it no big deal. It was. She had cancer again. She had it in her bones, liver, and lungs and later her brain. She was only 27 and told she had a year to live. She lived that year and 2 more after. She fought like crazy to see her babies grow up. She never had a negative attitude. She never slowed down. I only saw Kristen 2 times after she was diagnosed with cancer. I wished I could have seen her more, but her family needed the time they could get. She had a habit of putting her friends first. Every time poor Scott planned a night alone a friend would stop by and then it became a group thing. I didn't want to be like everybody else. Her family needed memories of just them. We talked on the phone plenty and I sent a card every week to encourage her. I was the first person she told that she only had 3 months to live. I cried. I loved her. She was the only one who loved me for who I was. She lived exactly 3 months from the phone call. I got the call shortly after I found out I was pregnant with Markus. It was the saddest funeral I ever attended. I went to the visitation, but never went up front to see her. I wanted to remember her for the beautiful young lady she was, not the shell of a body laying in a casket. I still remember sitting with old classmates remembering the old days when Scott came in carrying their 3 year old son. "Dad, now can I go see Mommy?" I thought I would die. Scott had a look of hopelessness on his face as he carried his son up to see his mommy. I looked at all the pictures and cried. They had an album made after she had had breast cancer. the photographer did a beautiful job. I have never seen anything like it. It was printed like a book. The pictures were printed right on the pages and Kristen or Scott had scripted letters to each other and each of the kids. It was beautiful. The photographer didn't set up the pictures they just happened. It was like watching a movie because the family was just enjoying a picnic, a walk, or just private conversation and nothing was posed. The next day I went and buried Kristen. Her daughter refused to leave the grave site because she wanted her mom. I was heartbroken. I didn't stay at the dinner after, but gave Scott a hug. It was the last time I have spoken to him or seen him. I haven't been able to send cards or pictures like I used to. I never know if he wants us to bug him and the kids. I know he has moved on and maybe married. Am I mad. No. Kristen had been preparing her children for a step-mom from the day she found out she would leave them. I talked with Kristen in my dream recently. I couldn't see her face, but it was her voice talking to me. I usually think about her a couple times a year. Certain songs. A small little red car. A trip to Hardees. A new pregnancy I can never share because she isn't there to get excited for me. I look back at old pictures of when we were young and remember a person from the past who helped make me who I was today.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
It's been a long time
Did you all miss me? Wow, didn't realize it has been so long since I last posted. Well, some updates I guess. Still feeling mighty crappy especially at night. My head hurts all day long and I am so very tired. I haven't been to the gym for about 3-4 weeks because I am afraid I will start puking while walking the track. My husband thinks it will make me feel better. I would rather be safe then sorry.
Markus is officially weaned. Not that he wants to be, but mom thinks it is time. 18 months is a long time to nurse a baby. I hadn't even noticed that my milk was gone. He is only allowed to nurse once a day and I guess my body said enough and didn't make anymore. I was mainly nursing at night/during the night when he would get up. And the last three nights he had been very fussy even when he nursed. Last night is when it dawned on me that he wasn't getting any milk. He sucked and sucked and finally looked at me and said mom and started crying. Then he tried the other side and did the same thing. He wasn't about to be comforted. I almost felt guilty. Mark said I should. I told Mark he could nurse a boy with a mouth full of teeth and see how he likes it.
Elijah is doing good in pre-school. His teacher says he is the best student and the leader for his class. I asked if she was talking about my son. LOL. He loves to go. Unfortunately next Wednesday is Dad day and once again this year dad is away from home and won't be able to go with him. So, Briley gets to go again. Good things for big brothers even if he is only 11. They get to go on a firetruck ride.
We are taking a small break from school this week. Hopefully I feel better next week to get going again. I have also been thinking on how I am doing school and want to try some different techniques and see if that will help with schooling.
I was going to let my membership with the home school legal defense organization expire this year, but Corrisa's dad, grandparents, and great grandma are already throwing a fit that she isn't going to high school next year full time. So, I would like to be prepared legally in case something happens with that. I know that now that their dad is dating somebody and living with them that it makes him feel a little more powerful then when he is single.
Mark is just now today arriving in Wisconsin for work. He won't be home until Thanksgiving and then not again until Christmas. That is if he lasts on the job. He hasn't worked a job from start to finish in over 2 years so it isn't so far fetched that he will quit. He only left on Tuesday night, but the kids are already getting their dad is gone so we can be naughty behavior already. Of course it doesn't help that we are on the extreme west of Iowa and he is on the extreme east of Wisconsin. I love traveling jobs.
Well, I think that is our update in a nutshell. Hope you all have a great weekend.
Markus is officially weaned. Not that he wants to be, but mom thinks it is time. 18 months is a long time to nurse a baby. I hadn't even noticed that my milk was gone. He is only allowed to nurse once a day and I guess my body said enough and didn't make anymore. I was mainly nursing at night/during the night when he would get up. And the last three nights he had been very fussy even when he nursed. Last night is when it dawned on me that he wasn't getting any milk. He sucked and sucked and finally looked at me and said mom and started crying. Then he tried the other side and did the same thing. He wasn't about to be comforted. I almost felt guilty. Mark said I should. I told Mark he could nurse a boy with a mouth full of teeth and see how he likes it.
Elijah is doing good in pre-school. His teacher says he is the best student and the leader for his class. I asked if she was talking about my son. LOL. He loves to go. Unfortunately next Wednesday is Dad day and once again this year dad is away from home and won't be able to go with him. So, Briley gets to go again. Good things for big brothers even if he is only 11. They get to go on a firetruck ride.
We are taking a small break from school this week. Hopefully I feel better next week to get going again. I have also been thinking on how I am doing school and want to try some different techniques and see if that will help with schooling.
I was going to let my membership with the home school legal defense organization expire this year, but Corrisa's dad, grandparents, and great grandma are already throwing a fit that she isn't going to high school next year full time. So, I would like to be prepared legally in case something happens with that. I know that now that their dad is dating somebody and living with them that it makes him feel a little more powerful then when he is single.
Mark is just now today arriving in Wisconsin for work. He won't be home until Thanksgiving and then not again until Christmas. That is if he lasts on the job. He hasn't worked a job from start to finish in over 2 years so it isn't so far fetched that he will quit. He only left on Tuesday night, but the kids are already getting their dad is gone so we can be naughty behavior already. Of course it doesn't help that we are on the extreme west of Iowa and he is on the extreme east of Wisconsin. I love traveling jobs.
Well, I think that is our update in a nutshell. Hope you all have a great weekend.
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